Response To Uncertainty

Hello everyone! Now I just want to remind you that this note is supposed to be posted yesterday. But either I have accidentally deleted the final draft permanently or I have misplaced the file somewhere that I couldn’t find it, I had to rewrite what I have written for the last couple days and this however allowed me to include another fresh material that could be discussed in this note. This note is still dedicated to be the commentary response to my friend who had commented on my previous note “Uncertainty” and in fact, he gave me another material to be written in this note. For your information, the example which is included to support this note is actually shifted because in the previous draft, I gave merely a virtual example which might happen to anyone but as far as I concern, nobody I know is having such problem. However, in this replacement note, I give a personally closed-up and actual example. It also described the uncertainty perfectly and how I respond to it. So sit back and enjoy the reading.

Last night I went on-line and had a chat with a good friend of mine, the topic was mainly about priorities in learning progress, however that is not the one I want to include in this note, I would probably go for that next month if I am “possessed” to write about it. Basically, in the early of conversation I mentioned about how I don’t like to be hung up by a company where I am supposed to undergo the internship program, mainly because I thought it was not normal that an internationally well-known company takes more than one month to notify short listed interns about their status in the company or anything else. Everything is vaguely unclear and preposterously unacceptable, so I discussed it with my friend and he analogized this uncalled-for state of being as a Pandora box which everyone is eager to look inside. It then led to a presumably terminology of him and he referred it as the chaotic theory. I am currently out of work and what is that?! For starters, I do welcome surprises, although some of my friends tell me that I am a quite dull person because everything should be organized and planned. What I found oddly amusing is that my friend regarded this act of uncertainty as a surprise, but then I told him that the actualization of surprise is quite different between him and me. I am undergoing an official internship program and it should therefore be processed as efficient as possible, not surprising. Let me give the most standard example of true surprise in youngster’s community: Tomorrow is my friend’s birthday; I and some other friends prepare a surprise party; we stand in front of his door step; wait until the clock ticks to 12 in the morning; knock on the door; wish him happy birthday. That is my perspective of a genuine and proper surprise. People will only say: “I am surprised.” if things which occur around them are positive ones, well maybe slightly the displeasing ones as well. Why? Because if it was devastatingly negative one, they would say: “I am shocked.” Covered with a sense of desperation after knowing his one-of-a-kind perspective of surprise, I fired him another question about how uncertainties could possibly make someone’s life more alive, but then he mentioned about rainbow which made me eventually stop asking him, because I don’t know what else to say instead of offering a new topic.

"What does matter is the capability of solving things when they have power to do it and they have access or resources for it."

As I would say in the previous note, there are cases where uncertainty is tolerable and some isn’t. Unfortunately, the fact that I am being hung up is somehow intolerable, because there are people in charge behind the decision making and they are unmistakably capable of it. Certainly, it takes time and more often than not repetitious considerations before accepting someone to be a part of the company. However, does it really take more than one month just to give an update or progress information? I have no idea either, but I just hope for the best for the time being. On the other hand, the uncertainties are absolutely normal in several cases, such as the story of waiting room. It is basically people who wait outside the operating room of hospital, where their family member or friend is inside there undergoing a surgery. Those people have no control to what is about to happen inside the OR. Even the surgeons are sometimes put under uncertain condition and straightly speaking, the situation itself is not within their control. For instance, when the patient they are operating refuses to hold on and just let go, there is nothing else they can do instead of walking out and say: “We have tried our best, we are very sorry.” I am not saying that uncertainties are acceptable when it deals with someone’s life, but what does matter is the capability of solving things when they have power to do it and they have access or resources for it. It is therefore the most fundamental difference where the act of uncertainty is acceptably fine or not.

From the example above, I could conclude that there are two ways how to respond the uncertainty. The first one is the manner I have, moaning and whining all the time because I couldn’t do anything about it to make things go faster, I just have to be more patient, think positively and cheer up a bit. I even fed myself with an idea that the internship committee might be working on the documents or trying to follow up the details regarding my internship status. The other one is my friend’s perspective with the colorful rainbow and surprise, I don’t know whether he just smacked his head on the pavement of the road or he was simply too stressful or he was indeed a very positive thinking man or he was being realistic or anything else.. I don’t know. It is agreeable that constant complains are never a solution to problem and it would be much better if we look from the Brightside. What I want to point out is that apart from any seething misunderstandings and arguments, there are moments where uncertainties are acceptable or even we are looking forward for it occasionally, because for some people certainty is a spoiler and that makes life uninteresting. However there are also times where we just don’t want to hear any bunch of mischief and hope that things will reach their end points quickly. I honestly believe that I would rather solely trade my time of waiting with a possibility that things will turn out to be right, because there is no point of rushing just to have a final result and nothing could be more infuriating rather than having things spoiled which eventually screw up the whole plan. That is fine if plan B is just minutes away to be executed, but when there is no plan B, it would be better to be uncomplaining and hope that things will go according to our arrangements.

The Best Poem of 2006

This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2006, Written by an
African Kid

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

Die Stube

Located at the posh district of southern Jakarta, Die Stube claims itself to be the first restaurant in Jakarta which specializes in serving authentic German cuisine combined with a pleasant atmosphere to unwind. I knew this place after I attended some cultural activities in Goethe Institut Jakarta and they happen to always serve their guests with the food from this restaurant. With deep curiosity, I had tasted the food right in the restaurant with a good friend of mine and now, I am writing a personal review to see if it is actually any good to be recommended. Enjoy.

THE AMBIENCE

For starter, the front design of the restaurant was not appealing at all, because the restaurant was surrounded by a concrete wall with only three tiny Baroque styled windows on the front fascia. The other noticeable element was a huge “Die Stube” lettering which was simply painted in black on a cream colored wall. It was completely dull and far from being aesthetic. Inside, this place was unsuitable for those who suffer from claustrophobia, because it was not spacious at all and I presume it could accommodate approximately only 50 to 60 guests, things getting worse because they have a bar area which occupied more space than it should be. The entire restaurant was dominated with a pale brown color theme; the tiles used to cover the floor seemed to origin from around year 1970’s; there were also many applications of wood material which warms up the atmosphere. However, please don’t immediately regard it as a boring and old-fashioned diner because there are several other design elements which come from posh modern world: two big LCD flat screens which are occasionally used to air World Cup or Grand Prix championship; a projector which can be used for a mini company gathering or something else; there was also a dart board, a numerous number of meal posters and beer flyers along with some German flags surrounding the room. It was very crowded, yet quite cozy and homely as well. One thing I figures out to be oddly strange was, I found some printed papers which appeared to be the result of a soccer championship or any other sport events and they were glued on the wall of men’s room, to be exact on top part of the urinary and I am not joking, you could look at the constantly updated game result as you stand in front of the urinary doing your business. Blimey!

THE FOOD

What they served was not a food, it was a delicatessen since it was absolutely very German and not at all like the Indonesian food. For starter, a bowl of beef goulash would be nice. It is basically a soup with ingredients consist of thinly sliced beef with paprika, carrots and potatoes. It tasted nearly like spaghetti sauce only it is not as gravy as that and it was quite tasty as well. This soup was served with three pieces of sliced wheat bread. Meanwhile my friend ordered Bratwurst with fresh Sauerkraut dressing and it was quite a big portion for single person. I have also tried that once and got a nauseous feeling after eating them. The Bratwurst was quite chewy, but it was perfectly cooked and therefore was good enough. Meanwhile, I don’t like the Sauerkraut because as it turned out, it tasted nothing but completely sharp and sour. One of the restaurant specialities was the roasted suckling pick and you actually have to order it one day in advanced. If you think that takes too long, you could choose the roasted pork knuckle and that takes “only” three hours before table presentation. Blimey! The other menu is sausage Bonanza which is basically sausages, but you can it them until your tummy bursts. Yes, it is an “all sausage you can it” menu and for your information, it is only available during July to August. Don’t know why, but that’s that. Drinks? No problem, I ordered an espresso single shot and you will like it if you enjoy a strong sip. There was also a wide range of beer to try: draught, malt, black beer Doppelbock and others, but if you don’t fancy for such alcoholic drink, they got juices as well and please don’t expect tea because they didn’t serve it there.

THE SERVICE

There was one word to describe it: excellent. I sat on the bar and just like any other bar in the western countries; the baristas would chat with you and ask our feedbacks about the food we ordered or anything else. It was quite nice and welcoming; meanwhile I could chat with another guest who appeared to be a German and had stayed in Jakarta for six years. The serving time was also adequately quick as well considering when I got there, the seats were fully booked. Smile and greet was a standard there and they spoke English as well.

THE PRICE

Welcome to the sea of massive disappointment because this is the moment of truth: beef goulash was nearly 30,000 IDR and the Bratwurst with Sauerkraut cost around 50,000 IDR. The espresso single shot was around 12,000 which I figured out to be biblically pricey; I would rather go for a full glass Heineken which was just about 18,000 IDR. With service and tax, I and my friend spent 135,000 for a German style dinner and it was therefore very, very expensive. However, I recommend it because it was worth the dining experience, the ambience and the food they served.

Plaza Bisnis Kemang I, GF, Jln Kemang Utara No. 2, Jakarta 12730, Indonesia

Sunday - Thursday : 11:00 AM - 00:00 AM

Friday - Saturday : 11:00 AM - 01:00 AM

Motorbike: Upside and Downside

Good evening, everyone! Tonight I am looking at the fact that I just return home after a pleasant dinner with my friend in a completely soggy outfits. I was initially sort of taking him to dinner and on the road out of nowhere, the rain started to pour heavily and since we only drove for a not quite far distance, we decided not to pull over and wait until the rain to stop. Obviously, we had to drive under the shimmering, freezing drizzle and after we arrived, I believe that it had given us a painful look not far from a Czechoslovakian civil war victim of the mid nineteenth century. (Frightfully sorry, mate! Couldn’t do anything about it…) Anyway, what I want to point out is, I am living in a developing country where the sales number of motorbikes has been staggeringly increasing every year. The approximation sales value of year 2008 was even predicted to be able to outnumber a whopping 5 million units of motorbikes and the figure mind you, is actually nearly 10 times more than the sales number of cars in the whole country! I was absolutely stunned by the fact as I was looking for a statistic data to support my arguments for this note. I am actually a motorbike driver and therefore, I would like to point out several positive points, as well as the negative ones, of having a motorbike. Moreover, this note is especially dedicated to those who currently has a motorbike and at the same time, planning for replacing his bike with a car in the future.

In case anyone is interested, may I first introduce the bike which I have used for almost three years, the 2006 Yamaha Nouvo Z. It is presumably a good bike for several reasons: it is automatic which I suppose is fairly easy and simple to drive, though it is only equipped with 1 cylinder 4 strokes 115 cc engine which developed a pathetic 8.9 break horse power. There must be consequences on having an automatic transmission and yes, it has a painfully slow acceleration thanks to its CVT (Continuously Variable Transmission) gearbox; the Z is also a slightly fatter bike compare to other contenders in its class. Apart from being heavier, a bigger size also means an upside of course: it has a big boot for a full size helmet with additional storage on front compartment, which means it is quite practical; it has a massive size of fuel tank (approximately 4.8l tank) and that means it has a good driving range before you drive into the next filling station; it also has a wide and comfortable seat for two people; Lastly, it has an acceptably high ground clearance and I once proved it during the rainy season: my bike still able to be driven in a quite deep flooded road even it was dying to stay on, meanwhile other bikes should have been dead because of a lower air intake position. I like the Z and despite its downsides, it is still my favorite one. After more than two years of usage, thought of selling it had never crossed my mind even though several scratches, cracks and holes can be easily found around the bike body. It had been crashed to a bicycle and countless other motorbikes by me; crashed to the road pavement by a fellow friend of mine who appeared had no bike driving experience at all and the steering column is tragically bended afterwards; crossed a thickly muddy off-road course and an estate construction site; had a stall for twice after facing an excessively high flood; exposed under steaming hot sun and freezing cold rain throughout the years; meanwhile potholes and bumpy roads has been its daily menu for the last about.. Well, about its whole lifetime actually.

"Even my English teacher sometimes fancies for an ojek coming to the university."

I don’t know whether people are aware about the fact that bikes are widely used in this country for a very various functions, such as people carrier, goods or even poultry transporter and of course.. ojek. Sorry for my language, but I couldn’t find its translation in online Cambridge and Oxford dictionary, maybe anyone mind correcting me. Well, I could understand why people love the bikes so much and that is mainly because they are cheap to run. People who had motorbikes pay a much lower tax to the government every year than a car and it use only a surprisingly small amount of fuel. When they broke down in front of your house or even on the side of the road, you could immediately find a workshop specializing in various brands and types of bikes. What’s more? The spare parts and service cost are also cheaper than other transportation devices which are equipped with engine. There is also a room for creativity for those who enjoy modifying their bikes since thousands of modification parts from ostentatiously designed wheels to annoyingly noisy mufflers can be easily found in automotive stores or even on-line. The last upside is of course people could reach their destination faster than cars which stuck in a bloody traffic jam, since bikes could sneak through them which cars unfortunately just can’t. Even my English teacher sometimes fancies for an ojek coming to the university. Don’t know why, but I just suppose because it is fast and cheap. Apart from these reasons, I couldn’t find another reason of why would people buy a motorbike instead of a car.

Still, riding a bike is not the ideal transportation solution for a city with dreadful traffic jams like Jakarta. Death traps for those who are inexperienced can be found almost everywhere and I am not joking, most of them at least ended up with fatal accidents and countless severely wounded casualties. Additionally, you would face a massive discomfort at anytime you ride a bike. On a sunny day, the heat inside the helmet could steam the brain up and what’s worse, most helmets sold in the market have no special feature to protect the eyes from the unsafe UV sunlight which is reflected from the helmet’s windshield. A long term of driving without proper protection against this harmful effect could render the fitness of the eyes or even result in hideous eyes infection. Sadly, things don’t go any better if you ride a bike on rainy season since you would face the biggest enemy of most motorcyclists: the weather. Driving under a heavily pouring rain is factually more risky than during on a dry road. When I ride my bike under such condition, I couldn’t care less about people who cross the road suddenly or some other cars clip on my lane, I am more worried about the potholes or flooded road and it is actually for a very good reason too. When you hit a hole with a car on high speed, you could just drive on safely and no body is killed. Even if the hole is so big that it damaged the wheels or tires, you just drive the car into a workshop and have a new set of tires replaced. Meanwhile when you hit a hole with a bike on high speed as well, it is possible that you lose the balance, front wheel starts to wobble tremendously, you can’t control the bike direction anymore and you fell, and then you might by any chance be run over by a five tons lorry truck. End of story.

In conclusion, I would recommend people to buy a car instead of a motorbike, since motorbikes are frequently the raison d'être of chaotic traffic jams. I fancy the cars very much more than motorbikes and I obviously don’t want to ride a motorbike for the whole of my life. God forbid! However, I still do not want to sell my bike. I even think that people back in several hundred years ago had harnessed a great ingenuity and managed to channel their ideas into one of world’s greatest inventions that will never extinct, partly because for me most journeys on it carry a distinctive, pleasant feel which is strangely indescribable and cars will never resemble that odd feeling in any ways, not even slightly.

Uncertainty

This time, I start off with something strange and I don’t think that this is a pure stupidity of mine since some of my colleagues do have the same opinion to what I am about to point out. So, in the previous semesters, thought of nervousness and worries had always dominated the day before final exam, at least for me though. Previously, we were nearly always given the study materials and points which we should pay more attention to; there were acceptably clearer guidelines on what we should pour over along with several exercises which we had to review. However, things are a bit different in this year and there are of course reasons behind it. This year and don’t know why, I had lost the sense to pursue a best result I could possibly achieve. It might sounds lunatic since one should work hard to achieve a good result or to me, I don’t like the idea of seeing myself standing in front of the general administration office, waiting for a requisition form for a repetition exam. God forbid! Quite straight forward actually, there is actually another element which caused me not being nervous or worried during the final exam. Presumably, I would refer this element as ‘uncertainty’ and that can be well explained actually. This year, the materials given to the students are quite fuzzy and they were strangely given by some qualified lecturers in their field who in the class appeared to be difficult to pass their knowledge to the students. How could I possibly be worried if I don’t know what I should be studying? I understand that it is a very sensitive topic to be addressed since there are two possibilities in regards to this issue, either the students are lame in comprehending the materials or it is indeed hard for the lecturers to share their understandings. Ouch! Which is right? It is still uncertain to me as well.

As the bereavements go, the act of being uncertain has only elicited negative outcomes and quite frankly, I should be very careful before quoting out such a statement since it might result other painful arguments or even objections to it. However, I have seen several obvious examples which are related to the negative consequences and they are, believe it or not, directly derived from the act of being uncertain. Please refer to the first paragraph to find out the first negative consequences of uncertainty, hopefully one will not have anything necessary to dwell about that. The other example can be found on a high way where most drivers who are involved in car accidents have the similar cause and surprisingly, the researches show that the driver were hesitate for a while before immediately stamp on the brake pedal to avoid the object in front of them. The last one and in fact it is the most crucial one, uncertainty is absolutely unacceptable in an operating room. No one in this holy world would want to have an indecisive surgeon operating them. I do believe nobody want to be associated to any of what I have pointed out above.

"People hate uncertainty since it shows weakness, insecurity and it drags us one step back before we could make a decision for our progress"

Still, the existence of uncertainty is undeniable and it is radically evolving around us. The trouble is, how should we face this? Should we just take it for granted? Or should we insist ourselves to be a decisive persons? Personally, I wouldn’t go that far because it is important to support our learning process and apart from the uncertain final exam’s materials, once you acknowledge the fact that you are letting yourselves in a situation of unclearness, you would give your best to escape from it and try to avoid such thing happen again in the future. Some might find it beyond their comprehension and yet it is normal actually, because it partially depends on the point of view of each person. People hate uncertainty since it shows weakness, insecurity and it drags us one step back before we could make a decision for our progress, it might happen if the decision of others will affect the choice we make. What I have figured out so far, people also dislike the word “maybe” when they demand an assurance or an answer from a question. For instance, now I would prefer to shut up if I am not sure or uncertain about the answer of a question and if at all possible, I am reducing the doses of using the words such as maybe, supposed to be, assume and etc, because there is no point of giving an answer to someone if it factually gives him/her another form of uncertainty, it is exactly the same like having a blind man guiding another blind man along and both are crossing a busy road together. It is just utterly useless.

Lastly, the choice of how someone deals with uncertainty is solely depends on his/her personal point of view. The interesting fact is, one expects many different reactions from other people when he/she is uncertain about one thing and I think the most common reaction is just be patient, because it is the most sensible solution other than rushing them to give the answer we expect, wrecking their nerve and causing them to explode, which eventually exposing us to a terrible fact that everything will go completely wrong. This is also my response to the final exam this year: just be patient and don’t wreck another’s nerve. Because I believe that on the final day of the exam, I will not complain anything about it anymore. So, why should I be worried when others are not? Some say, dream as if you would live forever, live as if you would die today. I’m all out. Post your comment. Enjoy.

The Next Decade

Here we are, welcome to the year 2009, the year of buffalo, the year of economic struggle and also the year of hopes (that’s what those optimistic fortune tellers told on a TV talk show, aired few hours before the New Year’s celebration). Before I get my feet started, I would like to inform you that there is nothing serious or whatsoever in this note. Quite frankly, there will only be a short report about what had happened last night and some old fashioned and naïve thoughts of mine about life.

It is New Year’s Eve and as a part of once a year event, I and my family usually spend the night by checking into some restaurant which opens until morning, have a meal and chat lively. However, this year is a bit different since both my mother and sister have left me and my dad for an obligatory family activity outside of the town, so on this basis, we skip this routine activity. That means I just headed straight to home after a short dinner nearby my house with my dad and that was about two hours before the midnight actually. By that time, the sound of fireworks could be heard quite clearly, even though they were not too loud and that was good actually since I was about to pour over some presentational slides related to the preparation of my final exam. Along with some music I have just downloaded from the internet, I glued my eyes to the laptop screen and read the slides. But then after 10 minutes I found it such a complete bollocks and told myself to have some self-respect, in other words how could such a man who can’t even appreciate the simplest pleasure in life, be possibly brought into existence in this world?! Eventually, instead of reading presentational slides, I watched videos of car reviews until about fifteen before twelve or so. Too weary even to consider getting out of my bed, so I preferred to drop into the welcome oblivion of sleep. On five before twelve.. Disaster!! And that partly because God only grace humans the ability to shut their eyes, not insulating the noise surrounding. Finding myself unable to fall asleep, I went upstairs to see what was happening and factually, things were about to change a bit brighter.

I figured that the noise this year is much louder than the previous year and it therefore brought some beautiful view as well. The sound was so savage and the view was utterly mind-blowing, I was served with a nearly 360 degrees sight of fireworks explosions all over the Jakarta skyline. Unlike the Olympiad event in Beijing this year where the fireworks were concentrated in the Bird Nest Stadium, fireworks in the New Year’s celebration yesterday were clearly visible even from a distance and the blistering light spread from all directions. As I sat there and enjoying the view accompanied by the mild wind, several thoughts struck into my head and some of them were quite chintzy actually.

"I could barely track back what I have accomplished in the past twenty years."

Firstly, after looking a spectacular and yet, free show of fireworks, I had the irrational thought of dropping out from my study and turn into a young entrepreneur who specialized on producing fireworks, firecrackers or any other explosives. Since it was a total stupidity, I am dropping that odd idea and decide not to explain about the mental degrading inspirations. Secondly, I happened to realize that in order to create this stage of cool show, people would have had to spend a whopping amount of money to by those explosive things, it was like setting your money on fire and blowing it away into the dark sky. In relation to this occurrence, there are two interesting facts actually: we are not in an economic crisis or people are so stressed out, in such way that they had nothing else to spare, so they blow their money into the sky for a very short period of entertainment. Which is correct? I basically didn’t give a damn since it was their money and they were completely entitled on how they want to spend it. I just know that it was a gorgeous show which gave a sheer feast to the eyes and yet polluted the sky with a strange smell and smoke. That’s all. Moving onto a more normal and acceptable thought, the fireworks was still very amusing though, I remember one thing which my mother said to me several days prior to her flight, she told me it seemed that it was just last week I made my mind to enter an international university and be a Mechatronics student, now suddenly I am in sixth semester and preparing for my internship program. I absolutely had no idea how to respond that sentence, it sounds somehow provoking and yet very delicate to hear out. Time flies so fast and nothing could stop, I could barely track back what I have accomplished in the past twenty years. As a nice kid with some short-tempered jealousy aside, I might once or twice mention that I wanted to be a grown-up since childhood was dull and uninteresting, partly because children are always under control and they always want to rule. Now, after I recall those years and no matter how challenging they were, shots of pictures when I was a boy practically become the only strong evidence that every single day of my childhood had turned into a grand history, which sadly there is no way back to experience those moments anymore. Today, as I am on my way of becoming a grown-up, I am aware that one day I will loose people I care about, my parents, friends, colleagues or anyone else; and that is extremely dull, gloomy, dark and very uninteresting. Ouch!

As people on my age are entering the next decade, it would be wise if we maximize the time as well as possible. There are many ways of how people revive from a depressing stress; some of my colleagues would go for a karaoke jam session, very few of them go to church, girls could make sushi or something appetizing to eat, or maybe fishing would be a great idea. The point is, just make sure that the time that you have invested is for something worthwhile and positive. It might sound pathetic to hear such crap coming out from a boy who preferred watching videos and fireworks instead of studying for his final exam. However, hopefully after brief refreshment you could produce something even better than what you have expected. Last but not least and in fact this is the commentary I left on my friend's note last week, enjoy and keep things around before they are gone, because not everything is eternity.

Dynamic Emotion Control

Truth be told that I would refer the previous week as an appalling disaster to me, particularly because it has been filled with a series of dreadful disappointments accompanied with a bodily illness. In such way that it has gone so bad until a point where I nearly go berserk and the Thursday live acoustic music event which happens to be my ideal stress reliever, has suddenly turned into an occurrence which I take for granted!

The week started with a strange malfunction of my body: dehydration during rainy season. I couldn’t possibly afford this kind of occurrence since I’m studying in a university which demands a top-notch condition throughout the semester and yet, this had caused my gum to swollen and a painful headache which squeezed me nearly to death. Not quite finished with the gum issue, I was annoyed and irritated by a preposterous cell-phone provider which provides a lousy service when I need to make an international phone-call. In fact, I couldn’t make it for the excuses of the operators which I was absolutely not interested to listen. Then here comes the TGIF, the only sacred haven and relieving day for most people. Sadly, it didn’t work out that way after I learned that the only thing in my semester project which kept me “on-line” has been brutally disemboweled and finally broke down. I soon found it rested in my tool box and unbelievably, I mourned it as if it was a dead corpse lying stiff in a plastic coffin. Later on in the evening, I conducted a pre-interview conversation of my internship application with a German. The conversation didn’t go smoothly since either he was speaking with porridge in his mouth or I was so deaf that I couldn’t understand his accent. The next day, I was sort of having a final examination of a foreign language which was spoken by Mr-Charlie-Chaplin-look-alike mein Führer. Presumably, the result was amusingly pathetic to listen and this is merely a hunch: I wouldn’t make it through this semester for a very reasonable good reason, which is skipping a whole year of study material. Blimey! My miserable chapter of the miserable week was then miserably ended with a miserable dental work. The dentist charged me a whopping amount of money which boggles the mind and it did indeed. Now as I am writing this note I can feel the greatest inconvenience after your mouth being forcefully stretched wide open by a cold-blooded dentist: another painful headache.

Normally, I would prefer to rest and save some energy if I am getting sick. But now, I could write a quite long note so far within 10 minutes without any significant problems of vocabulary or word choice. I do believe that I am being emotional and this is the one which drives me writing this note. This also becomes the topic of my note this week, which is the emotion control.

"We are 20 something which makes us greedily selfish and ridiculously self-centered."

In glancing to what had occurred last week, I would question how people would response or react if something bad happened to them and they were actually not ready for it – a moment where everything seems to head back against you – there is nothing you can do about it – you are completely isolated from any control to the situation. I haven’t been in such one; even what happened to me last week can’t be categorized as “out of my control”, since there were several precautions which I had to acknowledge but yet, I didn’t. Anyway, I am more interested in the way people deal with their emotions since it would help you to be a better person: you start to understand others and know where to put yourself in a difficult situation. What situation? A situation where one is agitated and infuriated but you are a part of his/her environment. I would make it easier by giving you an example: After spending weeks working on the semester project, I started to realize how immense the people values in this spinning ball which we refer as the earth are. I am surrounded by 19 classmates and we are separated into a group of three to accomplish the project, this however also means 20 brains, 20 characters, 20 attitudes, 20 perspectives, 20 problem approaching styles, 20 temperaments, 20 personalities and most of all, we are 20 something which makes us greedily selfish and ridiculously self-centered. Ouch! So what do I do when something disgruntling happened to me? I would most likely to address my problems and start a trouble-shooting. Basically, I would avoid any arguments, since I hate them so much, and if one does happen, the louder other people talk to me, then the lower tone I would speak until I shut up completely. In my case of last week, I was mentally exhausted and physically drained. However, I would find a way not to involve anyone else any deeper into my situation and keep them out of the stressful element which I am dealing with. The strange thing is, it is somehow beyond my comprehension to see people yelling out loud and could still possibly think clearly (that is what they said), meanwhile things that occurring around are utterly wrecked. I once said to my buddy when he went maid for some reasons: I want you to take your negative energy away from me as far as you could. It was improperly rude and sadly, there was nothing I could do about it even after the supports that I gave to him. How the problems could possibly be fixed, if people refuse to stop being emotional and still concentrate on the problem itself other than figuring out the solution. What on earth was that for?

Overall, I shouldn’t be looking for any validations to what I am pointing out here; I just say that it is humane to let anger and disappointment out. Furthermore, I think that the reason why people went mad is the fact that they are fear of being left unattended or they do not get any support. Now, wouldn’t it be any better to develop a proper emotion control in stead of going whacked?

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Quite recently until I decided to write this notes, I went on-line to check on my virtual social account, which is also one of the media of exhibitionism and hypothetically extroverted people to connect with each other, me included probably but I would rather beg to differ, mind you? Anyway, I was captivated by a shout out statement which was posted by my friend and it basically stated out that if someone lies, cheats on him or betray him, he is entitled to do so to others. Take a step further to the previous week; I went to a local gentrified supermarket which promotes some preposterously expensive delicacies and they were offering a special menu of the day. Presumably, the name given to the food might excite the smallest part of your brain and you would soon assume that this is probably a delicate cuisine rather than just a belly-feeding meal. So, this is how it was called: charcoal grilled chicken fillet chestnut. On the food section, they proudly listed the ingredients or whatsoever used to create this state-of-the-art meal on a reasonably big standing banner with a nice, probably “photoshopped” picture included. What I want to point out is, why would they use the word “charcoal” when in fact, they use a conspicuously big oven back there in the kitchen. Why chestnut? It somehow looks more likely to be almonds garnished around the limelight of the meal, which is the fillet. This is then to be confirmed to the service attendant by my sister, who enjoys making experiments on experimented foods. Basically, they said that even they used an oven to grill it, the moisture of the chicken fillet was as tenderized as you cook it on a charcoal-based griller. The chestnut itself was mashed to tiny pieces and dipped in the sauce which accompanied the fillet. And the garnish was not chestnut indeed, it was some kind of other nut which I can not recall and in fact, I shouldn’t have to actually.

I would capture the essence that selling goods is selling your soul and that is quite common within the community of business people. I would tip off: don’t trust a sales person an inch! And then my thought of honesty was shifted to the shout out posted by my friend. I try to figure out what if my friend talks something bad about me, which is factually fine by me, but they discuss it with someone else instead of with me directly. How hard could it be? Still, I somehow find it dilemmatic: what if it was your friend, a good colleague of yours, or your neighbor perhaps. Truth be told, I am able to address what I want to say directly to a person I just know for ten minutes, in a similar way but more comfortable to persons whom I have known for years. However, I wouldn’t have to break any bit, unless people consider me as a rude and stupidly sarcastic bloke. The thing is though, you know when to keep your mouth shut and keep your words as a qualified and well spoken opinion, rather than some cheap hey-look-at-me quotations. I sometimes failed to keep unnecessary words spoken out and it sometimes turns into a massive disaster. In other words, something inappropriate or completely uncalled for has been spoken out and after quite sometime, I realize how trashy it was!

"I wouldn't have to brake any bit, unless people consider me as a rude and stupidly sarcastic bloke."

For instance, several days ago a friend of mine bought a new cell-phone and it was the similar series as mine. What makes a difference is the choice of color: mine in a soothing blue und his in a shuddering red. In the name of subjective and personal taste, I know that I will not be lectured by anyone on what constitutes good taste, not even by a Karl Lagerfeld. So back to the reddish cell-phone, I think that it is revolting, very painful to look at, in such way that I would rather let it be recorded in the history pages of the worst looking cell-phone ever made. And yet, I could filter my sarcastic opinion before it was addressed. Eventually, I manage to keep my mouth shut and avoid any shrewish arguments with the remorseless owner. Instead and in fact this is the trashy part, I was talking about the hypothesis why he prefers red to blue, probably because the blue version was sold in a limited number and therefore, it is a trifle more expensive sales price compared to the red one (hate the marketing people so much, might just be the next note), or he might just have other thousands of reasons. Quite some time after that meeting, I soon found out that the brake function of my expressive chop has worked acceptably well and I think it was a good achievement of mine and yet, the hypothetical discussion about price selection has been not elegant at all, in fact it was pretty chintzy, glitzy and very cheesy as well. I don’t think that it is necessary or qualified since his choice was none of my problem, not even slightly and it was simply, very simply uncalled for.

So, the principal of honesty is the best policy might not work well for every moment, especially during a business meeting with a say like, ten million dollars residential superblock project since I understand that you might need to blow smoke someone’s bottom to win the tender. However, I would be very concerned if all of my friends hook up a bright smile all day and saying that every aspect in their life is doing perfect. Moreover, it is the sense of fear, in dread of furtive embarrassment and painful rejections all over the shoulder, that drives people away from being honest. I have met some people who are critical and aggressive in addressing opinion and yet in my opinion, I learned that it is fine to point out what you want to say, as long as it is done respectfully and with a reliable responsibility. I would also agree that honesty is the basic value of the mankind and no one gets to take it away. Sum it all up then; I honor those who are able to stand on themselves and still be consistent with their basic principals meanwhile they accommodate others’ opinion and demands well. Additionally, I believe that being honest reflects someone’s integrity and it determine your altitude, how high you want to be valued.

Haven't You Matured?

Quite until a moment I still couldn’t get over the tremendous rage after a harsh quarrel with my colleagues and I simply couldn’t let go for several reasons. Though things went berserk merely after a trifle facetious question which was related to the semester project was asked. Since the question itself won’t do any good in supporting this notes, I would rather therefore not going to address it out. Still, nothing annoys me more than appeals to my sense of life balance when one start arguing and refuse to shut up. I’m 20 and in accordance to what I have pointed out in my previous note, I’m on the age where people more often than not are slightly selfish and self-centered. Factually and I dedicate the following sentence to my dear friends whom I have been yelling at, I learned that the torturous argument was sparked by a misconception in most human’s perceptions which I refer as maturity. In my opinion, I would simply define maturity as the ability to handle the emotion well, make decisions wisely and hold onto the positive values firmly even under a mentally inhumane pressure. It is nevertheless a lifetime process and it will depend on how far one could compromise. This has become the topic which I’m going to point out in this note, since it would help me in redefining what the real maturity is and hopefully, it will turn out right.

I would start off by illustrating a very simple example to give a comprehensible description to what I am about to explain: When a little 5-year-old boy notices a toy store, he might instantly drag his parent into the store, pick up any toys that he liked and hoping that his parent would buy them for him. I suppose that you would know what might happen if the parent refused to buy him those toys: it’s either he accepted it, which I found rare actually, or he would throw a tantrum. That is merely to pose a thought whether we have improved our sensibility on how we react towards others and yet, it would be ridiculous if a 20 year-old man still act like a 5-year-old boy. Though I would like to quote from a German phrase: “In einem Mann steht immer ein Kind” which means, there will always be a fraction of boy inside of a man. I am not about to contend that being childish is anything but amusing for a grown up bloke, but then imagine there was a time when people listen to you, imagine there was a moment where there are always compromises even for your so called intolerable fundamental values, even under a depressing pressure there has always been a slight hope that you might get it right.

"Not in dread of any furtive thoughts, I honor the maturity respectfully, in the most gallant way that it defines the sheer quality and value of a man."

"Not in dread of any furtive embarrassments, I honor the marurity
We are created with a pair of ears and one mouth and I would therefore agree that we should listen to others twice as much as what we have spoken out. However, such condition will never happen since we are individual persons and therefore, there are many characteristics which make us special. For similar reasons and not in dread of any furtive thoughts, I honor the maturity respectfully, in the most gallant way that it defines the sheer quality and value of a man. Resist the urge to clash in a dispute might be somehow challenging for some people and in the name of self-integrity, it might not be the best option to sit back and let other people fire at you. Personally, I wouldn’t give a damn on exhausting arguments since I am aware that they were rubbish and therefore worthless to be listened. Truth be told, a lot of things have I learned so far and every phase of this life has come as a revelation to me. It is frequently helpful in developing the interpersonal skills, which I’m currently striving, and it is quite obvious actually since after exhausting quarrels and facing crabby people, there are always positive outcomes if you realize. I’m not more than a Mr. Brightside, not yet even a Mr. Pessimist. However I do know that I don’t want to look back and recall any of those painful arguments, mainly because it is merely an essential element that empowers someone’s maturity and it will always stay so. Moreover, only crabby lunatics and monumental morons would expect such thing to happen constantly in their lives.

To sum up, I am not looking for any validations to what I have just pointed out above. The act of being mature indicates someone’s mind power; I believe that a mature man sets his own standard on what defines him and what he is made of, even though such persons would find a raging challenge in their life since people who oppose might revile and refuse to acknowledge them. One thing for sure, insecure persons only look for flaws in others, meanwhile mature people seek ones within themselves. Mind you?